Three different people have written to mention that a Microsoft employee has won the 2005 Bulwer-Lytton Writing Contest
with the wonderful entry:
As he stared at her ample bosom, he daydreamed of the dual Stromberg carburetors in his vintage Triumph Spitfire, highly functional yet pleasingly formed, perched prominently on top of the intake manifold, aching for experienced hands, the small knurled caps of the oil dampeners begging to be inspected and adjusted as described in chapter seven of the shop manual.
but I think that we are not to be outdone by some Microsoft weenie. Therefore, I propose our own contest, loosely called "If Bulwer-Lytton worked for IBM...". The rules are simple, make up the opening sentence of a truly bad advertising campaign for an IBM/Lotus product. To ensure that there is no bias in the judging, there will be no judging, except for what you do for yourself.
Here is my submission for WCS:
Microsoft Exchange has been described as three thousand parts flying in formation, but IBM's Workplace Collaboration Services could better be described as a combination of IBM J2EE solutions integrated together, integrated not like an inner city school with buses driving disadvantaged children to impose their cultural values on other disadvantaged children, but more like a field full of swaying, aging, racially diverse hippies singing "We Shall Overcome!" while holding hands with other swaying, aging, racially diverse hippies, all moving in unison, this unison being the unison provided by IBM Global Services.
Feel free to enter your submission here or on your own blog. Just don't be surprised if IBM adopts your entry.
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